As a disappointed science student at O’level, I was always fascinated by Sir Isaac Newton. I was amazed by how and why he did not eat the apple immediately he saw it fall from the tree! But he decided to make some complex and confusing laws for a poor African student to be studying at GREAT MPASS….Where you struggle to remove the “M” before you pass! I kept asking myself the following questions: Was he not hungry when he saw the apple? Was he actually waiting for the apple to fall so that he can make his laws? What would have happened if he had just munched the apple and damned the freaking laws? What if he had just watched the apple fall and said “Oh God how great thou art”? That would have saved me and other “innocent boys” like me some stress from all these physics bullsh*t!

My friend “Yaw Ghana” also saw a Mango fall at the cemetery opposite our secondary school (GREAT MPASS)…He immediately picked it up, looked for more and came to the dormitory; put all his booty in a big plastic bucket and “sucked” all. He made no “physics laws” at all. In the night he had running stomach and propounded the “first shitting law of Yaw Ghana”! He followed it up with “the second law of vomiting” and crowned it with “the third law of the forces of greedy shitting”! Oh Ghana!

The above forms the foundation of “Ghana’s Infamous Dumsor Theory”. A country with between 27 and 37 degrees of Sunshine almost every day of the year! A country located a few degrees from the centre of the earth where the sun is ALWAYS overhead at noon EVERY DAY. What do we use the sunshine for? To dry OUR KONKONTE…..Period! Menstrual Period!!!. A country with several river bodies for hydro-electric power generation. What do we do with them? To rear Tilapia, grill them for OUR BANKU AND HOT PEPPER….. Period!! Menstrual Period!!!!. We just found crude oil…what has happened to it? ….. Totally sold OUT for peanuts!!! I even hear there can be the production of gas. What has happened to that too? It is sent into the air as OUR SACRIFICE: HOLY AND ACCEPTABLE UNTO THE LORD! Oh Ghana!

So you see? What someone sees and makes so much out of, another sees and makes absolutely nothing out of it. The latter only complains and does nothing. That is the actual theory behind the “Dumsor”!

Enjoy your OMOTUO…if you are lucky to get a bowl of it this afternoon. And don’t worry too much about the “Dumsor”. At least now you know the theory behind it. If I had also KNOWN AND MASTERED Sir Isaac Newton’s laws, I would have solved the “Dumsor” problem “ONE-TIME-QUICK”!
Till that time, keep quiet and suffer!

Clifford Amoako

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